


The One Where The Goblin King Got Drunk and Did the Hokey Pokey

by jetredgirl



Series: Labyinth LFFL inspired one shots and challenges [4]
Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Nonsense, Prompt Fic, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 07:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20926310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jetredgirl/pseuds/jetredgirl
Summary: So, this happened, and it's not my fault. The title is self explanatory. Jareth gets drunk, learns the Hokey Pokey, and goes off to visit Sarah with the idea it's her favorite dance of all time. an LFFL prompted crackfic.





	The One Where The Goblin King Got Drunk and Did the Hokey Pokey

"Madness, utter madness." Jareth drunkenly collapsed into his throne, his equally inebriated subjects in chaos around him.

He took a swig of his tankard of goblin ale, the nearly lethal brew dribbling down his chin and onto his cream colored silk shirt.

"Oops." He cackled. "It seems I've lost control of facli, factul..facuclitities..no that's not..what is that word Gridly?" He asked the pair of blurry goblins hanging over the back of his throne.

"Lips?" the twin goblins replied.

"Odd, I never knew you had a twin." The King replied. "When did that happen?"

The lone goblin looked around and back to the king, "Kingy okay?"

The King laughed and swung his arm, knocking the goblin off the back of his throne, the small creature yelping and hitting the floor with a thud.

Jareth looked over the back of his throne to the goblin on the floor. "You should be more careful."

"Well laugh!" He turned to the roomful of goblins.

As commanded they laughed heartily at their fellow subjects misfortune.

Jareth tilted his head back and let him mind drift to a certain someone he had been thinking about for several years.

The girl. He didn't let himself say her name, much less think it. Oh he knew it. It was etched into his brain, and his heart. It was far too painful. Her green eyes, red lips, dark fall of hair...she had smelled of wildflowers with a touch of vanilla.

And she had compltely rejected him.

"Gods." He moaned. "I'm a pathetic sod." He took another swig out of his cup.

He flicked his wrist and nothing happened. He tried to clear his head a little and flicked it again. Slowly a crystal formed, the magic fighting to work through the king's hazy mind.

"She is beautiful. Grown now." He mumbled as he watched her move about a small room, talking to someone he could not see. His goofy smile grew until he thought he rather likely looked a fool, but he could not help himself.

The gardener had told him she had started college a few years earlier. Jareth could have slammed the portal shut, and thought too out of revenge for the betrayal of his subjects, but he found he could keep better tabs on her if he let them visit the girl.

Not to mention it made her happy. Against his instincts and good sense, he longed to see her happy.

The crystal disappeared and he leaned back into his throne and dozed off.

A distant caterwauling stirred him awake, and he sat up to listen. His goblins were singing, sort of. Really what the goblins did could hardly be called singing, but close enough.

It got louder as the goblins got closer.

"...your right arm in, you put your right arm out, you but your right arm in and you shake it all about...you do the hokey pokey..."

Jareth stood and stumbled down the steps as the group of goblins entered the throne room, doing some sort of dance.

"That's what it's all about!" They screamed.

They formed a circle as he watched. "Yous put your booty in, yous put your booty out, yous put your booty in..." They turned inward shake their bottoms, and turned around and did it again.

"What, in all the underground, are you doing?" Jareth said as he swayed across the room, paying no attention to the chickens flying this way and that to avoid getting stepped on, or kicked.

The group stopped and looked up at their approaching king, afraid they would be bogged. The king was not known for his sense of humor about these things.

"We is dancin' the dance Lady Sarah taught us! Hokey Pokey dance!" One brown, googly eyed goblin answered, his floppy filthy hat falling over his eyes.

"You are visiting her too? She invited goblins? Why would she not invite me?" Jareth raved. "I did everything! I gave in to her every whim!"

He leaned down and grabbed a goblin. "Am I not handsome enough? Are my clothes not grand enough? My hair not fluffy enough? My makeup not perfect?"

"Y...yes..Kingy..you is very handsome.." The goblin stuttered.

Another goblin stepped forward. "Hair is fluffiest in the underground." He said helpfully, his head bobbing up and down.

The other goblins joined in with the head bobbing, hypnotizing said king for moment, in his state.

Jareth snapped out of it and flung the first head bobbing goblin across the room. "Of course it is! Of course I am! I'm The Goblin King!" He twirled around, ale flying all over out of his tankard.

He stopped next to the circle of goblins. "Perhaps if I learn her dance. Show me this so called Hokey Pokey, Goblins!" He commanded.

Slowly the goblins began, keeping a watchful eye on their volatile and seemingly unbalanced leader.

"Yous put your..arm in.." The stuck their arms into the circle.

The king stuck his arm out. "I put my arm in.." He warbled out of key.

"Yous take you arm out." The goblins sang. The King copied them.

"Yous put your arm in..." The goblins sang again, this time Jareth sang with them.

"And you shake it all about.." They all sang together, shaking their arms.

Jareth chuckled. It was kind of fun. If not a bit juvenile.

"You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself about..." The goblin danced in a circle, waving their arms.

Jareth followed suit, kicking a chicken as he whirled around.

Then all the goblins screamed. "That's what it's all about!"

The king laughed, so the goblins laughed. "That's fantastic!" He said. "Let's do it again!"

So The Goblin King and his goblins Hokey Pokey-ed for nearly an hour, Jareth pausing to refill his cup and drink between rounds.

Eventually the goblins one by one dropped out, falling asleep or passing out from the strong drink.

"Come on come on." The king poked at his subjects. "Lazy miscreants." He pouted. " I know! I'll go see Sarah! She'll dance with me! Now that I know how to charm her, she cannot help but fall in love with me!"

With much effort he managed to turn himself into an owl and make his way to the horizon, crossing worlds and careening, well. like a drunken bird, towards the glowing presence of his beloved, his champion, his Sarah.  
****************************************************************************************

Sarah was grateful for the single room she had been given this term. She could stay up late and study without a roommate complaining about the light from the computer screen keeping them up.

She was a senior and senior were given certain privileges. A single room being the big one. As someone who was not exactly a social butterfly, it was her haven on the crowded campus. She ended up with a room that was typically a double, which gave her an extra bed in case she needed it. So far she hadn't.

Sure she had a couple of close friends, enjoyed the occasional gathering. And belonged to the Mythology and Folklore club. However the college party life wasn't for her anymore, and she was happy she no longer had to have roommates stumbling in at 5am completely bombed and then spending the next day puking, leaving her to tiptoe around someone hungover and miserable.

She got up and opened the window, breathing in the crisp early spring air. It was a full moon and it shone like a crystal through the branches of the old oak tree outside her window, reminding her of...

_A certain handsome king. No. She thought to herself. She wasn't going to think about him. No good would come of that_.

Through the years she had kept in close contact with her friends in the underground. Which was another fantastic reason to have a single room. While no one else could see or hear them, or almost no one else, she had found, she had had a roommate report her to the campus counselor as a mental case always talking to imaginary friends, and had spent 3 months in mandated therapy. After 3 times a week she finally convinced the counselor she just liked to ponder things out loud and it was nothing to be concerned about, and no she was not schizophrenic. She could lock her door and speak with Hoggle and Sir Didymus and Ludo as much as she wanted.

For the first couple of years after The Labyrinth she never spoke of the King, but Sir Didymus had mentioned him in passing as being in a bad mood. Sarah was just glad he was alive. She hadn't been sure, and it hurt far more than she cared to admit to think she had destroyed him.

After that, she would sneak in a "So how is the king treating you today?" and they would tell her the gossip. That he was sad, or angry, drank too much, and spent most of his time alone. She asked them if he was angry at her, and they shook their heads and shrugged, because they didn't know.

They noted that they were surprised he never punished them. Anyone else who had openly defied him would have ended up spending time in an oubliette, or worse, in the bog. Didymus of course didn't understand why this was punishment, but he would not question the logic of his king. If the King thought it fitting, he accepted it.

She breathed in deep, and sighed again. _I really shouldn't be thinking about him. It's silly and pointless._

There was a flap of wing above, making her look up. There on a branch above her window was a large white owl.

_It couldn't be...of course it isn't. Wait, what in the...?_

The owl was swaying on the branch he was sitting on, his eyed half closed. He was hooting softly and scooting back and forth. She watched as the bird lifted one leg, put it down, and scooted over and did the same the other direction. It almost looked as if he was...dancing?

_No, that's not right. Maybe there is something wrong with him. Or is it she? No definitely a he. Should I call campus animal control?_

"Oh my goodness, are you sick?" She watched as he tried to scoot closer to her window, but was slipping around like he couldn't keep his balance.

In a flash he fell off the branch and was crashing towards her. She took a step back and put out her hands to try and catch the poor bird, but it was for naught as the owl hit the sill, bounced to the floor and rolled to his back. He looked up at her and made a strange cooing noise that sounded more like the owl equivalent to a human groan, then fell silent, blinking at her.

Sarah crouched down beside the bird and gingerly touched his soft head. He cooed again, and did not attempt to peck or bite at her.

"Should I move you...?" She asked.

_Dummy, it's an owl._

The owl rolled over and clumsily pushed himself to his feet, his little talons scraping on the wooden floor. Once he was upright, he flapped his wings again and looked up at her. He hooted and blinked, his beak clicking together as if he was trying to form words.

Sarah sat back on heels, unsure of how to help the little creature.  
*******************************************************************************************

Jareth gazed up at the girl, still in his animal form. He marveled at seeing her in person for the first time in so long.

When she touched him he felt soothed at her gentle touch.

_Gods, she has grown to be so beautiful, he thought._

_She is no longer a teenager, but full grown, ripe as a peach.  
********************************************************************************************_

Sarah had the oddest feeling as the owl gazed up at her, that this was no mere owl.

"Goblin King..." She whispered. "Jareth?"

As soon as the words, the name..left her mouth, the owl began to glow and shift.

She jumped to her feet and backed away watching as the little bird changed into the very man she had been thinking of.

He looked up at her, his eyes unfocused, and grinned.

"Good evening, my pres..presh...Sarah." He pushed himself up, or tried to, feeling clumsy and uncoordinated under the influence of the alcohol.

Sarah's just stood there dumbfounded as she watched him grab the chair and pull himself to his feet. He turned and faced her swaying more than just a little. He teetered back and forth on his high heeled boots.

"What are you..are you drunk?" She asked, incredulous that not only had he finally returned, he was completely bombed on top of it.

His brow rose as he observed her in the semi dark. "I merely had a sip or two. We were celebrating." one hand waved in the air aimlessly as the other arm kept him from falling over by holding on to the chair.

She gingerly approached him. "What do you want? After all this time?"

He reached for her and she backed up, and as he was leaning he fell forward. Sarah automatically stepped up and caught him to keep him upright.

"Why do you hate me Sarah?" He asked, his face within inches of hers. " All you asked for I did."

The powerful smell of alcohol assaulted her nose. "Ew. You are wasted. I don't hate you. You need to sit down."

"You owe me a dance. you left me there on the dance floor, alone." The Goblin King said as she tried to guide him back to the chair before he fell and she would have to get him up again.

He grabbed her around her waist, surprising Sarah. She squeaked and wriggled to get away. "Stop it."

He held fast. "Dance with me, and I shall leave you forever, if you wish it. Please. Just a finish to the one we started."

"Fine. I'll dance with you. No funny stuff, Your Majesty, or you will get my knee in places you will not find enjoyable."

She helped him stand straight, well as straight as she could get him at the moment.

He reached out, held her hand, and started to sing. "You put your right foot in.." he stuck his foot out towards her, trying to keep his balance. "You take your right foot out.." he pulled it back behind him. Almost tipping over he grabbed onto her arm. "Why aren't you dancing?"

Sarah just stood there, mouth hanging open once more. "You...you want to do the Hokey Pokey?"

"Heh." Jareth replied. "That sounds dirty. The goblins told me that was your favorite dance, and that you taught it to them. I thought possibly if I offered to dance with you, you would enjoy it."

She couldn't help it. Sarah started to giggle at the ridiculousness of the situation. The giggle grew into a laugh, until she was practically bent over holding her middle.

Jareth jerked her forward which made the laugh stop. "Why are you laughing at me? Is my entire function in your life to be some hapless, lovesick foil for you to torture?"

"No. Of course not!" She answered, wrestling her arm away from the inebriated monarch. She tried to keep a straight face but a chuckle kept escaping every time she replayed him doing the Hokey Pokey moments before. "You...you show up, drunk, after all this time...then you...you...want me to dance the Hokey Pokey?! That's just so weird!"

Without Sarah to hang onto Jareth fell backwards and landed heavily into the chair behind him. He looked up at her, his eyes mournful. "I shouldn't have come."

"Certainly not while drunk." Sarah said, crossing her arms. "You could have hurt yourself. Here let me get you some coffee. Wait, do you even drink coffee?" She asked as she picked up a cup. The coffee was from that morning, but she could heat it up in the microwave.

"Not usually, as we don't have it underground, but I have drank it above on occasion. It's vile." He watched move around, trying to focus on her. His vision kept blurring. He rubbed his eyes, smearing his royal markings.

She put the cup in them microwave and turned back to him. "Yes it can be. It won't taste all that great but hopefully it will sober you up a little. Here" She grabbed some tissues and handed them to him to wipe his face. He tried but kept smearing the makeup more.

"Let me do it." She took the tissues from him and tilted his face up, wiping the thick cosmetics off. "I never knew this was makeup." She remarked as she worked. She tried to ignore the look in his eyes as he watched her.

"Yes, we are required to wear the royal face paint. Not that anyone cares in my kingdom. There are very few of my kind there, and the goblins wouldn't notice if I wore nothing but my cape and boots."

The picture that appeared in her mind wasn't so much amusing as it was a bit stirring to her libido.

_Yeah, don't need to be thinking about THAT. _She had already spent far more time in her life than she would care to admit thinking about those tight pants.

She shoved the thought aside and smiled own at him. "There." She said as she finished. "All done."

He was looking at her with an expression of complete, albeit unfocused, gratitude and her heart stared to pound. He was so beautiful with or without any markings. His brows tilted, his lashes were to die for, his lips so utterly kissable and his blue eyes...

She still had his chin cupped in her hand far longer than was necessary.

_You can let go now Sarah..._

The microwave beeped, so she let his chin go. "Coffee! Right!" She said as she hurried to get the beverage.

Taking out the cup she added a generous amount of sugar and milk, then walked back over and handed it to him. "Here."

He took the warm cup between his hands and drank. It wasn't so bad with all the the sugar and milk, he thought. "It's good like this. Better, at least." He drank more. His head started to clear a little as he sipped at the drink.

Sarah sat on the bed and watched him. "I guess I should explain about the dancing. I mean why I taught the goblins that dance." She stated. His eyes flicked up to her then back down to his cup. His face reddened but he remained silent.

"Last week I was playing with Toby during a visit, for his birthday. Well, the goblins popped in and wanted to learn the dance we were doing. So we taught them. It's a child's game. I'm sorry for laughing." She tried to keep her smile at bay.

He sat his empty cup to the side. "I am the one who owes the apology. Once I am feeling a bit more myself, I will leave you and not bother you again."

"You don't have to...I mean you can crash on the other bed if you want. The room has two but it's really a single room, so there is only me here." She gestured to the other corner of the room. She could have had the maintenance staff remove the extra bed, but she kept it in just in case. This wasn't the company she had ever thought it would used be for.

"No no no. I cannot. I have intruded upon you, humiliated myself, and acted a proper idiot." He stood up to leave and got lightheaded, so sat back down.

"Well, your highness, I don't really think you should be flying anymore tonight. I'm surprised you made it here. How did you know where I was?" Sarah asked him as she helped him up and to the bed in the corner.

Jareth held on to her as she helped him walk. "As you are Labyrinth's Champion, I am required to keep a watch over you, should you need me."

His answer reminded her of those long ago words of her friends. "Well lie down and rest, and we will talk more in the morning. Remember, no funny business." She wagged a finger in his face as he sat down on the bed. She doubted he could walk across the room, much less do anything inappropriate, but still.

He turned on the bed and laid back. "I would never act improperly to a lady such as yourself. Unless you wished it of course." He gave her cheeky, hazy smile.

She shook her head and softly laughed. "Go to sleep, Goblin King."

He was already sleeping. And beginning to snore.

She resisted temptation to run her fingers through his, to see if it was as soft as it looked.

Sarah grabbed her pajamas off her dresser and went into the bathroom, not trusting that he wouldn't wake up and watch her. When she had changed and got ready for bed, she exited the bathroom and half expected him to not be there, but he was. He had turned to his side facing her. His angelic face peaceful.

"I swear, the most insane things happen to me." She said to no one. She washed the cup he had used in the small sink in her kitchenette. and made sure the door was locked. Some things she really didn't want to have to explain, and this was certainly one of them.

Before she crawled under the blankets she sat there and watched the man across from her sleep. She was still amazed at his presence. Even asleep he filled up the small room.

She turned off the small light next to her bed and tried to sleep, but knowing he was just feet away prevented it.

Every move he made, every mumble caused her to jerk awake.

She felt...excited. Giddy. Her heart was screaming "Yay he finally came back!" It was battling her brain and common sense at the moment, which was telling her this wouldn't end well.

She replayed the strange events of the evening over in her head, wishing she was more aloof, wearing something besides faded baggy jeans and an old t shirt. Her hair flyaway and no makeup.

_Why am I thinking these things? I don't even like him? Do I?_

Eventually her adrenaline started to die down and she started to fade into sleep. Her last thought before she slipped into her dreams...

_Wait...did he say lovestruck?  
********************************************************************************************_

Sarah managed to sleep for a few hours but was up early. She made coffee and took a quick shower, then sat at her desk trying to read, but spent most of her time watching the man in her spare bed as she was drinking the fresh brew.

He must have sensed it, because after a short time he stirred and turned his head towards her, his eyes slowly opening.

He pushed himself up with one arm while blocking the rising sun from his eyes with the other. "Oh Gods. Sarah? I was hoping this was yet another dream."

He swung his long legs over the side of the bed, then hunched down, not looking at her. "I am a fool."

"No, you were just drunk. I see a lot of that here." Sarah said, ignoring how seeing his long legs and slender body stretch and move made her feel. "Good morning." She got up and put a cup of coffee on the floor next to his feet then sat back down on the chair.

He ran one of his long slender hands through his messy hair. " I owe you a sincere apology. I will drink the coffee and go. I won't be bothering you again, as promised." He picked up the cup and drank, making a sour face, but continued anyway.

"You don't have to do that." Sarah told him. He looked up in surprise, and immediately regretted the quick motion. His head was pounding and it made him dizzy. He reached out to his magic and used it to soothe the pain.

"I wouldn't mind if you visited me." She continued. "I guess should tell you, that after the whole thing with The Labyrinth and Toby, I grew up so much. I think I owe you a thank you. I realize you just did what I asked, well kind of. You didn't have to be *so* mean, but in the end, I think I'm a better person. I always hoped you might come and see me, but, well, you never did, so I figured you hated me. But, maybe, we could be friends, or at least try? When I said I needed my friends, I really did mean all of you."

He looked up again, slower this time to avoid the dizziness. The magic had alleviated the after affects of the alcohol somewhat, and his head was much more clear thanks to that and the coffee. "You want to be my friend? I don't know if I have ever had one. Certainly not a real one. Not one I could talk to intelligently, if you count the goblins, that is."

"Yeah it shows, Your Majesty." She chuckled. "Friends don't let friends do the Hokey Pokey. Well, not after the age of 8, without a good reason."

"Oh goblin's balls, that infernal dance." Jareth groaned and laid back on the bed. "I should have known."

Sarah laughed and stood, walking over to the bed and sitting next to The Goblin King. "It was funny."

Jareth sat up and looked at her, could see the desire to laugh more dancing in her eyes. He chuckled. "I suppose it was."

She started to laugh, and slowly he joined her.

_How ludicrous I must have looked! _He thought.

Once their shared mirth died down she put a hand over his. "You know, if you want to clean yourself up and make yourself presentable for human sight, you could take me to breakfast to make up for it."

He stood and brought her up with him. With a smile and a small flick of his wrist a crystal appeared in his hand, and he threw it into the air, making Sarah cringe and close her eyes. After a few seconds, when nothing hit her, she opened them and looked.

The Goblin King was no longer a disheveled otherworldly looking being, but a tall, slender, cleaned up, very human looking man clad in black jeans, tight blue t shirt, and black jacket and boots, with gloves. His brows no longer as highly arched, and his hair was shoulder length and tamed down to a chic purposely messy style.

"Will this do?" He asked. "Please, call me Jareth."

Sarah's heart thumped faster at the look his glamour gave him. He was gorgeous even as a human. "Yeah, it'll do."

He bowed. "I shall pop myself down to the front doors and ask for you, so as to not sully your reputation."

That made her laugh again. "Okay, well I'm not worried about that, but since you have to check in any overnight guests it would be better we didn't go down together. I just need to put on my shoes, and I'll be there."

He took her hand and brought it to his lips. The touch of his mouth on her skin made her melt a little inside. His eyes met hers and he faded away with a lazy, flirty grin.

A moment later her intercom buzzed. "Sarah, you have someone waiting downstairs. A guy named Jareth? Uhhh..wow." The voice of the dorm monitor floated into the room.

She pressed the button. "Be there in a minute. Yes, I know." She should have known he would be charming everyone in the building with that bigger than life personality within seconds.

She put on her shoes, and as she left the room and locked the door, the day looked very bright, indeed.

She started to sing and dance as she walked down the hall.

"You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out..."

That's what it's all about!

~Fin~

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when fanfic writers get weird late at night LOL.  
So, there is this meme. A meme of GK and an owl next to each other, both with their legs sticking out. Then this whole "drunk Hokey Pokey" thing took off. IT'S NOT MY FAULT :D


End file.
